Monday, September 15, 2008

Rambo at Work

More ideas inspired by JOLTED!

Have you ever wanted to be Rambo or Rambette?

Wouldn’t it be fun to hide out in the bushes and shoot big guns at bad cops who shouldn’t have messed with you? Well, you too can be a Rambo/ette -- and you don’t even have to leave the city or the safety of your cubicle! That’s what I learned from researching survival techniques in my latest book (which takes place at a survival school called Jerry Potts Academy of Higher Learning and Survival).

You could, just for the fun of it, build a deadfall trap at work. The key is finding the best location to dig your trap. You need a place where people gather in unsuspecting herds. The pop machine? The water cooler? The boss’s door to tell her how great her hair looks? Choose one spot and stay late after work. Cut a large square in the floor (an electric saw would be handy) and place a net below it. Cover the hole with carpet, then wait. Stay up all night if you must, and watch the trap (camouflage face paint is optional). You can spend the time fishing in the fish tank. At some point (be patient) someone will step into your trap -- maybe even your boss. You can rush to the edge and shout, “Aha! See, I can be creative! I can think outside of the box! Do I get that raise?” And if someone reacts negatively to your creative survivalism, just tell them they’re part of a reality show. People always act their best when they think they’re on a reality show. Deadfall traps are only one of many survival techniques that will come in handy at work.

Another good idea is to identify which office plants are edible. (The rubber ones are not, but you can cut the cactus open and drink the juice.) Knowing which plants are edible could get you through those long meetings.

It’s also good to know how to defend yourself against sharks (it’s unlikely you will encounter them on the job, unless your last name is Cousteau or you work for a James Bond villain). The best defence if you find yourself in a giant aquarium and a shark is coming towards you is to punch it directly on the nose or to kick in a circular motion and connect with its gills. That will deter it. Good luck with that. If you survive, write me a note. I’d love to use that scene in a book someday.


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