Saturday, May 19, 2012

Why Didn't I Win A Box of Slade Books?


"Why didn't I win a box of priceless Slade books?"

I know. I know. It's a question millions of people are asking themselves right now. Along with questions like "Is Brad Pitt in love with me?" "Should I floss" and "Did dinosaurs walk the earth at the same time as humans?" (the answers in order are: Maybe--is your name Angelina?; Yes, and brush, please; No...unless you're living in a movie).


Last month, in my clever newsletter, I had a contest that said: "Win a bunch o' books. To win just reply to this email with a creative answer to this question: "A+Y= X""

Of course, you have to subscribe to the newsletter to win! Maybe that's why you didn't win. Rectify that by clicking the amazing link below. The newsletter comes out 4 times a year and there's always a prize. Plus, your IQ will go up. Free IQ!

http://eepurl.com/kEDdb

Here are a few of the entries:

"Arthur + YA = Xcellent"
--Alan

"Art + Youth = Xcited teens."
--Janet

And the winner, by both volume and creativity, was:

" A + Y = X. Hmmm! Reeks of algebraic equation. Shudder! Please Art, you are appealing to one whose mathematical career ended with an ignominious exam result of 19%. And it's Saturday! I could wait, I suppose. Wait until my brain wakes up. The problem is my mathematical brain never woke up. So I'm doomed, utterly doomed. The storeroom stash will never be mine.

Deep breath, courage, Clo. Must carpe the diem, no matter what the cost in the mathematical or even grammatical failure department. Hmmmm and other sounds indicating heavy thinking and the occasional slurp of lemon and ginger tea.

A must equal Art (please note the upper case A. This Art is also very creative but is not, in and of himself, an artistic endeavour, at least I don't think he is, and never in a grammatically incorrect sentence, of that I am certain).

But I digress. If A equals Art, Y must equal You. Is it therefore possible that X equals the massive storeroom stash? Alright! I've cracked it. Art + You = storeroom stash or should I say Storeroom Stash, considering the importance of said stash? Wait up, here's a dilemma. If Y equals You, then You isn't Me. That means Me, Myself and I will not win the Storeroom Stash because collectively we don't equal You.

Hmmm (= more thinking and slurping) And eventually a lightbulb, not a Kodak, a lightbulb moment occurs.
You must equal someone you gift the stash er Stash to. If that is indeed the case then I have the solution.
My #2 son turns 17 on 27th April. The very day that Art of the uppercase A announces his winner.
It just so happens that #2 son is almost as much of an Art (o.t.u.A.) fan as his poor demented mother. It also happens that his p.d.m. is off to an auction today and will probably blow his birthday present money on a Victorian commode or an overstuffed chaise longue. Even if his p.d.m. is somewhat abstemious in her auctioneerial dealings, a Stockroom Stash of Slade would make the most stupendous birthday present.

So to conclude yes, finally. Arthur, wake up, I'm concluding. Slurp tea in the hopes of attaining clarity.
Clearing of throat.

I conclude that Art + #2 son = Storeroom Stash of Slade. There! Sound the trumpets. Alarums and excursions throughout.

PS Was there a word limit on this contest?"
--Clo

Whoa! Congrats to Clo who received a box of signed books, a few comics (which I wrote, not random comics), and audiobooks.

You could be a winner, too! Oh gosh, you're already a winner. You could be more of a winner...
Look at all the books waiting to live in someone else's house...

Art

2 comments:

Sylvia McNicoll said...

Oh man, you lost me at A +Y. I hate algebra.
So much easier to buy a copy of your latest at the store!

Note to self, must do that.

Arthur Slade said...

Oh, I think the Algebra scared lots of people. Entries were down to about 1/4 of the usual. Which means a much higher chance of winning for those that entered.

Have fun shopping!