Thursday, August 25, 2011

Funny Answers to Odd Writerly Questions

These are inspired by a few questions I've been asked...

Q: Arthor, I read your book DUST. Tell me the symbolism in it. I have a paper due tomorrow so I need to know now.
A: I will tell you the symbolism. But first I'd like you to cut my lawn. It needs to be cut now. I'm waiting.

Q: I have an idea for a book that you should write. It's my life story. Some really interesting things happened, so far. I can't tell them to you because you might steal the ideas. I'm too busy to write it.
A: I'm not busy at all! Would love to sacrifice a year of my life writing your book. Is 2071 too soon?

Q: Why does your book suck so much?
A: This may seem hard to believe but writing a book that sucks takes years of work. First I take anything that is remotely interesting or exciting out of the book. Then I add all the boring characters and have them sit around doing nothing. Finally, I inject suckiness into the prose using a special method taught to me by a suckiness master. It's like becoming a kung fu master, without the exercise. Glad to know my hard work has paid off.

Q: Really, I'm not joking, what is the symbolism in your book? I need to know. I got an extension. 
A: My lawn still needs cutting. 

Q: I have some really great ideas. How do I stop people from stealing them?
A: I don't want you to feel paranoid, but I'm reading your mind right now. Those are amazing ideas! If you want to prevent others from stealing your ideas wear a tinfoil hat.

Anyone else have questions? Post them below...



Touch of Ink said...

I love these! :) How about "I have this great idea. If you write it, I'll split the money with you, 50/50. What do you say?"

Unknown said...

Thanks for the much-needed chuckle. One of my favourites is Neil Gamain's answer to "Where do you get your ideas?" He said, "I make them up."

And Suzi, I've had someone ask me that! How to explain that I already have more ideas that I could ever write, and I get more every day?

Anonymous said...

hey Art I`ve got a funny question for you... whats youre name again. haha remember me yet

A.K. from the writers confrence in eastend!

Unknown said...

Glad you like my twisted humor. Will address your question in the next episode. I always liked "where do you get your ideas?" "From a factory in Minnesota, for 5 sents an idea."

Unknown said...

A.K. Hmmm. Not sure I remember you. Did we meet on Mars? Were you the one in the orange sweater?

Eve Barbeau said...

Hilarious Art. I'm looking forward to the sequel.